I knew early on in January that 2016 was a leap year. As a surgery scheduler I deal with future dates, and I recall mentally noting the novelty of the extra day we are awarded in February. Little did I know at the time all the connotations that this leap year would come to mean to me.
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Do you recall that in the last post I introduced you to Charlie?
We enjoyed our first date on January 31st of this year. We shared a casual lunch on a Sunday afternoon – which almost turned into dinner because we stayed so long. Our conversation flowed easily (although, admittedly I was a bit nervous). Eye contact, at times, lingered, and – did my hand touch his arm as I excused myself to the restroom?
We parted ways on that chilly Sunday with a respectable “side” hug and a promise to see one another again before the week was out.
A short three days later we sat in a booth at a local restaurant, once again, enjoying one another’s company. The more we talked, the more it felt like we had known each other far longer than just a few days. And as we sat in that booth together, I gathered up enough courage to steal a kiss from him on that second date. I think it’s safe to say that by the end of that evening, we were both smitten.
The following week we spent every evening together except for one. As a matter of fact, the one evening we did spend apart, felt endless and pointless. By day seven I was asking the question out loud to my friend Brenda, “How do you know when you’re in love with someone?” Without hesitation she replied, “When you can’t imagine your life without them in it.”
Boom. There it was. Oh my God, I’m in love! Can that really happen in a matter of seven short days? Can love really and truly manifest itself in such a short amount of time?
Yes, yes it can. And it did.
But, how do I tell Charlie? Did he feel the same? Could we be that lucky that this is a mutual feeling? In my heart, I knew he felt what I did. We had already confessed to being “in like” with one another – but how and when do you make that leap of faith and admit to being in love? We even joked about who was going to say “it” first.
And it was me.
This woman that has guarded her heart like a fortress for the last seven years said it first.
And it was scary. And freeing. But frightening just the same.
And as the rest of the earth kept rotating, time stood still for me, as I waited for a response. And just a few heartbeats later, Charlie echoed the same sentiment. With that confession, my world became fresh, and new, and whole again. I slept soundly that night, unlike I have slept in many years.
On the morning of day 10, I walked into work and announced to Brenda, “I’m going to marry that man one day.” Her response? “What took you so long?”
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LOVE
It’s universal.
If we’re lucky enough, we’ve experienced it at least once in our life. When it happens to you, it’s as if you’re the only person in the world to ever have those feelings.
It’s a ride like no other.
They’re the last person you think of before falling asleep, and the first person you think of in those early morning waking moments. The way your name sounds different and special when it’s spoken by your love. It’s when the words “I love you” isn’t enough to express the breadth and the depth of what you feel. It’s the excitement of discovery, and the comfort of the eventual familiarity.
All of those moments and more, Charlie and I have had with one another.
We love us.
We say it each and every day. We write it in lunchbox notes. We whisper it while the other one is sleeping. Charlie said to me one night, “I fell in love with us, before I fell in love with you.” And it made perfect sense. This unit that we have formed has such a bond and a cohesiveness, and as cliché as it sounds, it’s difficult to see where one starts and the other one ends. One night as the evening came to a close, I asked Charlie, “What did we do before “us”?” Neither one of us could even remember.
LEAP YEAR 2016
It was brought to our attention early in February of the old Irish tradition that a woman can ask the man to marry her in a leap year. Now I know that may sound sexist, and I understand that we live in the 21st century where a woman can do damn well what she wants and when she wants to – but don’t we (women) still want that romantic, storybook proposal – man down on one knee with a sparkling diamond peeking out of a jewelry box? Maybe even “Will you marry me?” spelled out in the sky?
Charlie teased me incessantly about the Irish leap year tradition. I stood my ground like the “Turner” that I am. No way would I ask him to marry me. No way would I rob myself of every romantic notion that I had of being proposed to by my love.
*** By now you’re probably saying to yourself, “Wait, isn’t this rather soon to be talking marriage?” Admittedly, if I were on the outside looking in I would most likely agree. But all I can say is, “When you know, you know.” ***
On the evening of February 29th, Charlie was still teasing me about the old Irish custom. We stayed awake that night and watched the clock as it turned to midnight. And even though we were only half joking about a leap day proposal, when I didn’t “pop the question” before the day ended, I found myself a bit let down. Not by Charlie – but by me. And as we settled into sleep, my thoughts went to the knowledge that I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this man.
Life with Charlie is an adventure. Every day is better than the last. We have both been on our own for many years, and this new found togetherness has been something that we have both welcomed. We want to be where the other one is. We want to do what the other one is doing. At a time in our lives when we have more years behind us than in front of us, we want to spend it together.
But – we did have a bump in the road a couple of months ago, and I have to point the finger of blame at myself. The truth is, it’s been a transition for me going from the widow of a man to being a partner in a new relationship. I didn’t realize just how many times I brought up Michael’s name in conversation – and not always when it was just the two of us. I can’t say why I would bring him up – maybe because I had become accustomed to talking about him – maybe… I don’t know – did I feel guilty that I was finally moving forward? But one evening Charlie sat me down and told me that as much as he was ready to be in this relationship, he didn’t think I was.
I was devastated. And frightened beyond words. I believed in my heart that I was ready – but had my actions said differently?
Charlie was kind, gentle, and nonjudgmental. He simply said that whenever I knew that I was ready, to let him know.
I went to sleep that evening with a heavy heart and a lot on my mind.
The next few days was a time for reflection and soul searching.
Was I really ready for this? Did I have it in me to completely give myself to someone new? Could I possibly ever trust another man with my heart? Was I ready to roll the dice and give myself over to this relationship? And then I remembered a quote from Helen Keller. She said, “Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”
And I knew.
Yes.
Hell yes I was ready. It was time to allow myself to be completely untethered by the past and look forward to the future.
But as sure as I was, would I be able to convince Charlie? This man. This incredible man that loves me and has welcomed me into his world – how do we cross that bridge?
ONE MORE LEAP
It was a Friday afternoon. We were rushing around the house trying to get ready to hit the road to Memphis, Charlie’s hometown. Did we pack the camera? Yes. What about Annie’s food (his 7 pound chihuahua). Yes, got that too. Snacks? Yes.
And as Charlie was standing on the landing of the stairs, and I on the first step, I put my arms around his neck, and I said,
“Marry me.”
No fanfare. No rose petals. No violins. No skywriting.
Just a woman asking a man to spend the rest of their lives together.
Charlie went from stunned to disbelief. But in the end, when he knew that I meant it, he said yes.
And how did this “Turner” girl go from her stubborn self to one that asks a man to marry her?
Well, she sees this absolutely wonderful man in front of her, one that has offered his hand in her hand, his heart to join with hers; and she swallows all pride and takes the biggest leap of faith that she’s ever taken in her life.
And he said yes.
And I’ve never been happier.
One last thing.
After we got on the road that afternoon, Charlie confessed to his plan of proposing to me while in Memphis. On top of the pyramid. At dusk. While the sun was setting over the Mississippi River.
So in the end, we both won – because we have each other – to have and to hold from this day forward.
We love us.
For Charlie.
All my love,
Cat
