Category: life lessons

16Apr

I’m waiting

I grew up in a household that there were very few arguments and very little conflict. At least, not to my recollection; and maybe perhaps disagreements between my parents were kept behind closed doors. Even in my teenage years, I don’t recall many “knock down, drag out” fights between my parents and myself. We didn’t always agree, but it rarely got ugly.

I was always extremely close to my dad, but my mom, well, my mom always played her life pretty close to the vest. She was distant. I don’t recall many heart to heart talks. I observed friends that had a close relationship with their mom and I was always a bit envious, but sad as well.

One day when I was in my early teens, my Mom and I got into a disagreement. I can’t recall what it was about, but I recall that I felt like I was completely and utterly in the right. I stormed out of the house, slammed the front door, and sat down on the front steps of our house.

As I have said before, I forever sought after my mother’s love and approval; always laying in wait for that magic moment when I felt more than just a bother or an inconvenience to her.

I was fuming; so mad I could barely see straight.

I was right.

She was wrong.

As I sat there, all I could think about was how right I was, and how wrong she was. Righteousness was running through my veins. How dare she not see my point.

I sat there for what seemed like a really long time.

The longer that I sat there, the more I began to realize something. I wanted my mother to come after me. Come find me. I wanted to be important enough that she sought me out to make this right. But she never did.

Who knows what was going on in her head. Dinner needed to be made. Clothes needed to be folded. The floors were dirty. Who knows. But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t about our disagreement.

After what felt like hours (I’m sure it wasn’t), with my proverbial tail tucked in between my legs, I went back into the house, carrying on with whatever. But my feelings had been hurt. One more notch in the belt of disappointment with my mom.

There’s really no point, or moral to this story. Just that I hope as a parent,  I hope that I was more in touch with my kids.

And if you are currently a parent of a precious young human being, on occasion, meet them where they go. It could mean everything to them. 

Love,

Cat

‘

11Jun

Puzzle’d

assemble challenge combine creativity
assemble challenge combine creativity
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Believe it or not, as an adult I have never worked a jigsaw puzzle. Ever. I’m really not sure why, except maybe it seemed like a colossal waste of time. I mean, what are you really achieving working a puzzle? You’re basically putting something back together that was already whole in the first place.

But this year as the world was put on standstill, when we were forced to stay in our homes, I saw on Facebook several of my friends turn to jigsaw puzzles. It seemed like every day someone was posting their new completed accomplishment. I was a bit intrigued. The pictures varied from scenic, to cityscapes, replicas of masterpieces, animals, and some just plain quirky. Maybe I just might enjoy working on a jigsaw puzzle.

Still, I waited. Still, I didn’t get it.

And then one day I strolled up the puzzle aisle at Hobby Lobby (don’t you just love that store?). All of these puzzles. Every scene you could imagine. Bright colors. Muted colors. Monochrome. 3D. Different skill levels.

I made the plunge, picked one out (of course it had to be 1,000 pieces), purchased it and took it home.

So I get my puzzle home and would like to share with you a few things I’ve learned about puzzles.

They are a lot like life.

  • 1. You have to prepare.

Come to find out, I didn’t have a surface large enough to hold my finished puzzle. Sure, I could put it on the dining room table (it’s not like we use it), but who wants to be relegated to the dining room for hours on end? So, off I go to Walmart to purchase a foldable card table.

  • 2. Prioritize

Once again, I’m a novice at this. So you can only imagine when I opened the box and see every shape, color, and image available to mankind just how overwhelmed I was! Good grief, where do I start? Ahhh… I remember, people talk about the border, I’ll start with picking out the border!

  • 3. Organize

Four days later (keep in mind Puzzling is not my full time job) the border is finished. Time to tackle the other 900 or so remaining pieces to this project. Logically, it seems the best way to make sense of this conglomerate is to separate the pieces by color. But where do I put these pieces once I’ve separated them *Amazon search* Puzzle sorting trays. Hmm… maybe next time (if there is a next time).

  • 4. Learn to walk away

Frustration can reach new levels. Tired eyes can be your enemy. Sometimes you just need to walk away and come back fresh another time. Are you giving up? No, just taking a break.

  • 5. Accept help from your friends and family

It doesn’t mean defeat, and it’s actually a little sweeter having someone else by your side.

  • 6. Don’t force it

This is key. If the fit isn’t quite right, it’s not the right piece. Why do we try to force things that aren’t the right fit? Because we don’t want to be wrong? Because we’re invested? Stop. Just stop. Move on.

  • 7. Watch your back

I’m not saying this from paranoia, I’m saying this from having a dog that likes to get in my business. Come to find out, Catfish Bob not only enjoys the top of yogurt lids, but he also enjoys the occasional puzzle piece. Once again, watch your back and your puzzle pieces to 4 legged thieves.

  • 8. Step back and look at the big picture

Sometimes we get so focused on a small area, that we lose sight of the big picture. Maybe that little section that you have been so focused on might not be where you need to be giving your attention to. Step back, survey, you just might find your answer.

  • 9. Don’t forget to have fun

As I loomed over my half completed puzzle, concentrating, almost fretting, Charlie looked over and said, “Are you having fun?” Oh, that’s right. Relax. It’s just a puzzle.

  • 10. Take pride in your accomplishments

Whether it be a completed jigsaw puzzle, or something much bigger, stop and pat yourself on the back for what you have achieved. Sometimes we are the only ones around to do it.

So, that’s what I’ve learned about puzzles.

Oh, also, I kind of get it now. That puzzle that I’ve been putting back together, that puzzle that was once one piece and then broken into what seems like a million little pieces – well, many years ago, that was my life. But slowly, painstakingly, and mercifully, I have been pieced back together again, well, almost – because aren’t we all a work in progress? Unlike a jigsaw puzzle that has a beginning and an end, we are ever changing, ever growing, and I am oh so happy about that.

And one more thing. That thieving dog of mine, Catfish Bob, he stole more than a piece of my puzzle, he stole a piece of my heart too!

Take your time,

Cat

15Aug

The year of “the firsts”

This month my sweet cousin Pat will commemorate the first anniversary of her husband’s death.

Growing up, even though Pat and I were cousins, and we only lived a few blocks apart, she and I were never terribly close. Nothing wrong, probably the age difference… different set of friends…

Many years have passed since those adolescent days, far faster than we could have imagined. Marriage. Babies. Divorce. True Love. Grandchildren. We’ve kept up with each other through family members, the occasional funeral…etc…

And then one day in 2009 my husband committed suicide.

And in an instant my world changed.

Words can’t describe the loss. The hurt. The devastation. Where do you turn? What do you do next? Days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months and a few things begin to evolve.

A new pattern. Sometimes, a new way of doing things. Discovery.

And for me, one source of encouragement, one source of a friendly hello, was my cousin Pat. Only once did we actually get together in person, we communicated mostly through Facebook and Messenger, but I could always count on Pat to be there in my corner.

As of last August, sadly, I share a new kinship with Pat. She had to say goodbye to her companion, her confidant, her best friend of 34 years, her sweet husband Rusty.

Pat and Rusty

As I said earlier, this month Pat will commemorate the first anniversary of Rusty’s passing.

And with every passing week since she said goodbye, and with each milestone, and every holiday, Pat has been on my heart and in my prayers.

Because I remember; and I weep.

The first week without my husband.

The first time I reached for him, and he wasn’t there.

The first time I called his name with no answer.

The first time I had to tell someone that my husband died.

And all the other “firsts”.

The obvious; holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries.

But then the not so obvious.

The first time you get bad news and you need his shoulder to cry on.

The first time something joyous happens and he’s not there to share it with.

The first time someone says, “I miss him” and your heart breaks all over again.

The first time…

Oh God, there’s so many. And it’s so hard.

But there is good news; and thank God for a heart that is resilient, and determined, and willing to commit to that seemingly impossible task of becoming… becoming what…. perhaps on some days, just becoming aware and glad that it’s a sunny day. Or maybe, down the road, even becoming a better version of what we were before our lives were turned upside down.

So after a while other “firsts” begin to happen.

Like the first time you didn’t cry in 24 hours.

The first time you remembered to smile.

The first time you felt optimistic.

The first time you accomplished something entirely on your own.

The first time you thought to yourself, “I’m going to be okay.”

And for me, many years later, the first time you get yourself ready for a first date.

I’ll borrow my own words from a post I wrote years ago called, “She Believed.” It was written in honor of the women in my life that have inspired me, encouraged me, and lifted me up. Pat was included in that group of strong, inspiring women.

“We fell but we didn’t stay down, we wiped our bloodied knees and got back up.  We cried, but we wiped our tears away and pushed forward.  We doubted, but it didn’t consume us. We overcame. And that’s what I celebrate today.”

Below is the video I put together to accompany that post. That’s Pat & family @ 1:38.

I spoke with Pat last night to ask permission to tag her in this post. I mentioned that I feel like she has not only survived this past year; but thrived. She humbly denied the statement, but honestly, after losing a spouse, sometimes deciding to get out of bed the morning after a particularly lonely, tearful night – is a form of thriving. Baby steps yes, but steps forward just the same.

These last 12 months I have observed Pat take on the task of remodeling her home, quite beautifully and skillfully. She has found the courage to love again; a sweet, feisty puppy she named Miss Daisy (Doodle). -And all through this terrible, scary pandemic. Courageous? You better believe it!

This is for you Pat.

Love to you at this special time. Rusty would be so proud of you.

~ Cat ~

29Nov

Black Friday

Today is Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday. I’ve never been one to want to go shopping on Black Friday; wake up before the chickens, crowds to fight, traffic to contend with; it’s just not for me.

I much prefer sleeping in on Black Friday. No agenda. No plans. Just take it easy after the much anticipated Thanksgiving day. Maybe not even get out of my pajamas.

Charlie has his own Black Friday tradition. Weather permitting, he and a group of friends ride their motorcycles to Waynesville, NC for lunch. It’s an all day event that keeps him out until dark.

In the three years since Charlie and I have been married, we have hosted Thanksgiving in our home each year. Some years we have had all of our children present, some years not. Sometimes work schedules have not permitted, other times one lives out of town.

Our Thanksgiving gatherings are always a mad house. Kids running around. Dogs chasing kids. Kids chasing dogs. Multiple conversations going on at the same time. Laughter. Photo bombs. Wine flowing. The dining room full. Overflow at the kitchen bar. Smiles, all around. Controlled chaos, if you will. Or maybe not.

This Thanksgiving didn’t go as planned and I’ve been a bit sad today.

The flu hit.

My daughters Heather and Robin (and all four grands) were exposed to the flu last Saturday. On Tuesday, Heather became the first flu victim and now, Lexi is showing symptoms. Thankfully, Dave (Heather’s husband) has not fallen victim yet. Robin and her family graciously bowed out of attending Thanksgiving in order not to expose the rest of us.

So here we are yesterday with a feast to feed 15 and only a few family members there to enjoy the bounty.

For the first time, all of the guests were able to gather around the dining table – with seats left over. It was a wonderful evening. Conversation flowed freely, no children there to interrupt, the dogs finally settled in to having company. We even played a few games of Smart Ass in peace. Ahhh… so this is what a quiet dinner is like.

But it wasn’t the same. At all.

Bring back the chaos.

Let me hear multiple conversations going on at the same time. I want to see Robin looking in the fridge for more deviled eggs. I want to glance over and see Heather having a conversation with her daughter. I need to watch my adult children interact with one another. I missed watching Charlie and Dave in deep conversation about a subject that’s generally way over my head. I need to purvey the room and see all of my loved ones under one roof. Brandon and Shane giving each other a hard time (what brothers do). Jason holding Logan. The trio of Lexi, Luna, and Lucas running through the house. Stephen and Amber sitting on the sofa taking selfies and making jokes. And later, the adults once again, gathering around the dining table for a few hours of board games.

Nope. It wasn’t the same.

So instead of sleeping in on this Black Friday morning, I was on a mission. Get up, get dressed, pack up all of the leftovers and deliver them to the doorsteps of my daughter’s homes. It was the least I could do for the self imposed quarantined families.

My deliveries have been made. My quest fulfilled. And now I sit at my local Starbucks sipping on a Breve Latte and nibbling on a piece of pumpkin bread. And thinking….musing….pondering…

….and counting my lucky stars of just how fortunate I am to have the family that I have. All of them. Their quirks, their hearts, their imperfections, and the perfect way they love me. And although this Thanksgiving brought a bit of disappointment, it was still a good one. Sometimes it takes the absence of something to really appreciate it.

So today, on this Black Friday, I give thanks for my family.

Love to you all.