Back in June of this year I wrote a blog called “Dear Mr. Free-man”.  It was actually my first blog entry. It was an open letter to the over 50, single male population. If you haven’t already read it, I encourage you to do so now so that this next blog makes sense. Go ahead, this blog will be here when you get back.

After I wrote that piece, I questioned myself. Was I being too judgmental? Did I have a chip on my shoulder because I’m not the perfect physical specimen that men are looking for? Was I being too sensitive?

After much soul searching and feeling at times, a little lonely, I decided to go back on Match.com and once more, put myself out there. I mean, if you don’t try to help yourself, then who do you have to blame for being in your circumstance?

So, being the writer that I am, I crafted what I thought to be a pretty damn good profile. Here, I’ll share it with you.

Who I am: A woman who is very excited to be in this time of my life. I am single, although not happy with the way it happened. My children are grown and out of the nest, and I am a proud Nana to Lexi, Luna, and Lucas.

I have learned a lot about myself since my husband’s death five years ago. I have discovered that I am more of a loner than previously believed. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with family and friends, but I have learned that I don’t always have to have someone around to entertain me. I have learned that I am far more independent than previously imagined. Through necessity, I have been forced to become my own problem solver. And lastly, I have learned not to sweat the small stuff – and it’s mostly all small stuff.

A few years ago I started writing a book, well, a memoir of sorts, journaling my life, wanting to document my time here on earth. What it developed into was a collection of stories. I learned that I’m a pretty good storyteller. After several people read my stories, they encouraged me to start my own blog featuring those stories. And that’s exactly what I did! It has challenged me yet in another area of my life.

I love the outdoors, whether it’s laying by the swimming pool, kicking back at the beach, or sitting by a bonfire. I am an avid charcoal griller. Although the Tennessee Volunteers still don’t have a winning season, I continue to be a Vol Fan For Life as we rebuild “brick by brick”.

My ideal partner would be a man that has a zest for the future, a passion for life, a healthy outlook and a thirst for knowledge. A keen sense of humor and honesty is critical for me.

One of my favorite poems was written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann called Desiderata, meaning “desired things”. The final verse is this:

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

If my profile has sparked some interest, or if you read something that you said, “Oh, me too”, then give me a shout. If not, I hope you have much success in your search for the lady you are looking for.

Not bad, huh? I put myself in the category of “A few extra pounds, widowed”. I was honest about my age – 58. I threw in recent photographs that were pretty damn good – nothing racy. My username is respectable, nothing crazy like “foragoodtime” or “hottotrot”, or “cougarlady”. After all, I don’t want to send out the wrong message.

So, I’m six weeks in to my 3 month subscription and I would like to share a few of my experiences.

My first *wink* was received just a few moments after I paid my $67.00  and got logged in. Hey, this is promising. Is my dating life getting ready to hit a home run – or am I ever going to leave the dug out?  So I *click* on his profile. As we all do, we check out our potential “soulmate’s” pictures. You may think this is contradictory behavior from someone that has expressed concern over the “outside” being overly important, but really it isn’t. I think photos can tell a lot about someone. Not necessarily are they cute, or slim, or attractive – but more, do they look genuine? Do they have a nice smile? Are they neat in appearance? Is there a sign behind them that says, “Bros before hoes?” Are they sitting in a 50 year old recliner with wood paneling behind them and a Schlitz Malt Liquor in their hand? Things like that.

Back to my *wink*.  His pictures – not bad – sure he looked a little..well redneck – but you can’t blame a boy for that. But the bio – oh the bio. Here’s what caught my eye – and I can’t make this up. ” Love spontinaity, I love a woman who can smack my ass in the middle of a crowd and you would never know she done it by the look on her face.”  So, what’s worse?  The fact that he likes his ass smacked or his poor grammar? I reeled from both infractions. Move on Cat.

My next potential suitor sent a *wink* my way, along with his one and only picture. Too bad it was a selfie taken in the bathroom with the toilet seat all the way up – like he just took a piss. Nothin’ says lovin’ like a bathroom selfie. Not surprising, I passed on this prize too. Better luck next time Cat.

Match.com offers this fun little tool called “chat”. So while you’re online checking out who “viewed” you (and moved on), you can chat with other Match members online. So here I am, one Saturday “dude surfing” when Chat pops up.

RU4me from Buffalo, New York says,

Hi. Love your smile.

“Oh” I think. “Communication from the outside world.”

Me: Thank you. How is Buffalo treating you today?

RU4me: You real pretty. You been on long match? (Yes, he really said “long match.”

Me: Uh – no.

RU4me: I not either. Not much luck. One lady want free dinner – other lady only want night stand.

Hmmmm…. a night stand, huh? Not a dresser, or a chest of drawers, but a night stand (Yeah, I get it, he meant one night stand).

Me: Pardon me for bringing this up, but your English is quite broken. It makes me wonder if you are perhaps a scammer. If I’m wrong, forgive me. If I’m correct, shame on you.

RU4me: What you mean. Scammer?

Me: Thank you for confirming my suspicions.

RU4me: FUCK YOU

RU4me signs off and I sign off too in disgust.

I confess, there have been a few men on this site that have caught my eye. I have steered away from the obvious “lookers” and have focused on men with kind eyes, genuine and realistic profiles. I have even put myself out there and sent a few emails (yes of course witty emails) only to get no replies. Well, I did receive a no thanks, as he had just met a lady on Match.com and wanted to see where it was going first. Forget the fact that I still see him daily on the site and “available for chat”.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, this small amount of time on Match.com has shaken my confidence. I have relearned humility. Clearly, I am not the prototype of what men over 50 are looking for. I don’t hike 50 miles a day, I don’t have Christie Brinkley’s body, I NEVER want to jump out of an airplane. I couldn’t care less if I ever ski in Aspen, or run the bulls in Pamplona.

So, what does it take to attract a man that meets my minimal expectations?  Do I try to change who I am to conform to someone else’s standards? Do I diet so that I am physically attractive to these men? As I ask myself these questions I already know my answer. Hell no. Even if I tried to change my personality, I couldn’t -nor would I want to.  We are who we are. Do I diet? Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. But you can be damn sure it won’t be to attract a man.

So, what have I learned? I have learned to go back to loving myself – and never forget that I am the prize – maybe not to someone else – but to me. I have learned, once again, not to turn to others for approval, but look inside and see what is acceptable for (what my sister calls) “my own self”.  Sure, it’s nice to get compliments (I’m always open to positive affirmations), but I can’t rely on them to dictate how I feel about myself. That has to come from me.

PostScript

I welcome any comments or anecdote from your own .com dating experience.  Surely there are more out there that have questioned their own worthiness, have had their own self doubt after being exposed to this medium.  Or…just something so funny you can’t keep it to yourself – please leave a comment!

PostScriptScript

…and, if you happen to know of a single man that might be looking for a middle aged plump woman that loves life and has a warped sense of humor, send him my way….that’d be great.